Theon's Wish to Be a Son to Ned

He remembered a time when he had thought that Lord Eddard Stark might marry him to Sansa and claim him for a son, but that had only been a child's fancy. - ADWD Reek I

As Theon's chapters progress, the story he tells himself about his treatment by the Starks changes. Enroute to Pyke, where he must appear not to have been made a greenlander, Theon recalls Lord Eddard as distant.

Lord Eddard had raised him among his own children, but Theon had never been one of them. The whole castle, from Lady Stark to the lowliest kitchen scullion, knew he was hostage to his father's good behavior, and treated him accordingly. Even the bastard Jon Snow had been accorded more honor than he had.

Lord Eddard had tried to play the father from time to time, but to Theon he had always remained the man who'd brought blood and fire to Pyke and taken him from his home. As a boy, he had lived in fear of Stark's stern face and great dark sword. - 85 ACOK 12 Theon I

In 98 ACOK 25 Theon II, when tasked to prove his loyalty, Theon feels his under use. He could be sent to take Deepwood Motte. "He had visited the Glovers several times with Eddard Stark." Why won't Balon make use of him and all his hostage position gained him?

111ACOK 38 Theon III: Theon feels his own judgments more closely resemble Eddard's and he struggles with it.

The rest of his men were looting the corpses. Gevin Harlaw knelt on a dead man's chest, sawing off his finger to get at a ring. Paying the iron price. My lord father would approve. Theon thought of seeking out the bodies of the two men he'd slain himself to see if they had any jewelry worth the taking, but the notion left a bitter taste in his mouth. He could imagine what Eddard Stark would have said. Yet that thought made him angry too. Stark is dead and rotting, and naught to me, he reminded himself.

Later

He (Dagmer) gave me more smiles than my father and Eddard Stark together

Dagmer explains the Balon needs to see Theon be ironborn. He has to earn his place, but with obedience, not with some great deed.

The hoary old warrior looked as if he had bitten into something he did not like the taste of. "It is only . . . Theon, the Boy Wolf is your friend, and these Starks had you for ten years."

"I am no Stark." Lord Eddard saw to that. "I am a Greyjoy, and I mean to be my father's heir. How can I do that unless I prove myself with some great deed?"

"You are young. Other wars will come, and you shall do your great deeds. For now, we are commanded to harry the Stony Shore."

120 ACOK 47 Bran VI: Theon doesn't understand that Eddard was loved and his men are still loyal to him, even dead.

"I will be as good a lord to you as Eddard Stark ever was." Theon raised his voice to be heard above the smack of wood on flesh. "Betray me, though, and you'll wish you hadn't. And don't think the men you see here are the whole of my power. Torrhen's Square and Deepwood Motte will soon be ours as well, and my uncle is sailing up the Saltspear to seize Moat Cailin. If Robb Stark can stave off the Lannisters, he may reign as King of the Trident hereafter, but House Greyjoy holds the north now."

"Stark's lords will fight you," the man Reek called out. "That bloated pig at White Harbor for one, and them Umbers and Karstarks too. You'll need men. Free me and I'm yours."

124 ACOK 51 Theon IV: Theon emulates Ned.

Theon told himself he must be as cold and deliberate as Lord Eddard.

130 ACOK 57 Theon V: Theon is shamed into performing as his own headsman.

He could not let the killings go unpunished. Farlen was as likely a suspect as any, so Theon sat in judgment, called him guilty, and condemned him to death. Even that went sour. As he knelt to the block, the kennelmaster said, "M'lord Eddard always did his own killings." Theon had to take the axe himself or look a weakling

140 ACOK 67 Theon VI: When Theon places Beth Cassel in a noose for all to see, Ser Rodrik points out Theon was treated well by the Starks.

"Hostage and prisoner, I call it."

"Then perhaps Lord Eddard should have kept you chained to a dungeon wall. Instead he raised you among his own sons, the sweet boys you have butchered, and to my undying shame I trained you in the arts of war. Would that I had thrust a sword through your belly instead of placing one in your hand."

284 ADWD 13 Reek I: Theon remember fantasizing about Eddard wanting him as a son.

He remembered a time when he had thought that Lord Eddard Stark might marry him to Sansa and claim him for a son, but that had only been a child's fancy.